Bully Proofing: Ideas for the school year

     Fortunately, bullying has become a topic of discussion for many schools and families in recent years. It's important that we continue an active discussion and bring about awareness to help everyone understand that it's not okayd to be "mean" and action is required. 

      Here are some tips, offered by Sandi Schwartz, a child development expert and parenting guru with more than 40 years of experience in the area. She is an award-winning educator, author, parenting expert, and speaker with a master’s degree in Child Development from Columbia University.

Schwartz talks about the need to understand how bullying works. In many cases, they are someone in need of emotional assistance. The bully's inability to be compassionate, is something difficult for many to understand. However, it's important to know that they are only acting in this way because at some point they felt powerless and victimized. 

Schwartz offered five tips for parents to help “bully-proof” their kids:

Step back and examine the dynamics in your own family. How do you handle discipline in your home? If you don’t know how to be fair and compassionate when disciplining your kids, seek help from an expert.

Both the bully and the victim are people who feel powerless. Parents need to help their children have a sense of healthy self-empowerment. “Feeling good about ourselves is important. Feeling self-empowerment is never about feeling better than someone else, it’s feeling good about yourself and your own accomplishments.” Parents should stop comparing their children, or saying that value only comes from making a sports team or earning good grades, for instance.

Ask your children what they think about things. Talk to them and allow them to have differing opinions. “Your kids don’t have to see everything the way you do. Show your children that what they think is valuable.”

Schwartz noted that gold-medal winning Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps said he was teased as a child because he had long arms, a lisp and big ears, and that gymnastics dynamo Gabby Douglas is currently being teased on Facebook about her hair. So, learn from that. Parents should tell their kids they don’t have to be perfect and that everyone could be picked on for something. 

Tell your children not to fight their feelings. It’s scary to begin a new school year, attend a new school and meet new teachers and classmates. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. Encourage your kids to tell themselves, ‘I can do this.’

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Eliot Kelly

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